Swami Dayananda Saraswati delivered a special lecture on 19th December 2011 in Dubai for Professionals on Self Renewal. I was fortunate enough to attend the lecture which was very useful. I am sharing here below some of the highlights of the speech:
When an individual crosses 40 years of age there is a certain numbness that develops within and life becomes very mechanical. In the western countries this is called as Middle Age Crisis. We need to challenge ourselves to stay positive and achieve more.
Everyone has certain vulnerable zone and it is important to know the areas of vulnerability. We have to be conscious of our own vulnerability. One of the emotions that we express is Anger. Anger is not an action, it happens when our vulnerable area is touched. Thus it is a reaction which is triggered by another person or an incident.
During the first 4 ½ years of our existence we face certain situations which gives us pain and discomfort. These get etched in our mind and is carried throughout the life. Thus pain undergone by a child in the first 4 ½ years of age gets triggered and is the cause for anger. An individual gets angry when that vulnerable area is touched and hence bursts out. After the bursting of anger the individual feels sad. There is absolutely nothing wrong is getting angry or feeling sad. But it is very wrong to victimize some one because of our anger. In order to ensure that we do not victimize some one it is better to say “I am angry, I will talk to you later”. We cannot victimize a person just because the other person is either our spouse or child thinking that we can take such liberties. You have no right whatsoever to victimize the other person whoever he or she may be.
It is good to have a Home Rule “Nobody victimizes anybody when angry”. This can be followed by everyone at home be it elders or parents or children. If any family member gets angry the other person can tell “you seem to be angry now let us talk it out later”. If we implement this Home Rule and if everyone at home follows this rule consciously then it will bring about a major change.
We need to then have a process of letting this anger go out of our system. This is a two step process, viz., Damah and Shamah. Damah means control of senses – You don’t express anger by victimizing another person. Shamah means control of mind – express your anger by writing out on a paper whatever you want to say and then destroy the paper. Thus you can control your anger through Damah and Shamah. If you control your anger you will be a master of every other emotion.
We need to learn from our actions as we can never learn from reactions. When we talk we should give primary importance to the “Topic” by asking ourselves is it worth talking about this “topic” and will be of use. We can avoid gossip if we are conscious and cautious about the “topic”. Second in importance is the person we are talking to. Is that person ready to listen to us? We need to value the time and privacy of the other person.
Watch your words. Do not say what you think. Say what is true. Do not use words that can hurt the other person. Live a conscious life as everyday can make you wiser.
T.P.Anand, Dubai, 20th December 2011.
Dear Shri Anand
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting the gist of the talk which I attended and reflects all the points made by Swamiji. I have also made some jottings which are posted as comments.
Rgds
Sreenivasan P
[Brother of P Buvaneswaran & Mrs Maha Buvan, ICAI, KV]
Self-renewal
‘Mid-life crisis’ (for those 40 plus) is a term often heard about those who have reached a plateau. A ‘mechanicalness’ sets into their life and there seem to be a sort of numbness in their heart as life becomes repetitive. A question arises ‘What is the purpose of it all’.
‘That is when one has to challenge oneself as a person’ said Swami Dayananda Saraswati addressing audience of about 250 professionals at the Sheikh Rashid Auditorium, Indian High School, Bur Dubai on December 19, 2011. He cited his own example when he had a severe accident of his lower limb and was losing his memory power, that was when he challenged and started learning ‘Panini’ language which relies on rote learning alone. This made him recover much of his memory.
Swamiji turned to ‘Anger management’ and challenged the audience to get angry [in fact, many giggled] to drive home the point that anger is a happening. ‘Everyone has his or her erogenous zone’ he said where the person becomes vulnerable. He cited several examples from domestic and official life to show how children and sub-ordinates could sense when the parent or boss gets angry. ‘It is almost predictable’, he said and that is mechanicalness.
Since anger is a happening, it is pointless to say ‘Don’t get angry’. ‘We have no right to victimize somebody because of our anger’ Swamiji said. ‘Dignity of the other person should be upheld’ he said.
To live a conscious life, when one becomes angry, one could tell others that at the moment, one is angry and that he would deal with the issue, after say 45 minutes. The problem of anger could be managed in a family well if a pact is entered into – none would speak when in anger.
Swamiji made several recommendations to overcome anger -
Write all one’s thought on a piece of paper (including whatever epithets one would have liked to use!) and, of course, tear it into pieces later
Visit a deserted area and shout one’s heart out or go for a long walk in a nearby park
Go to bedroom and punch a pillow
Swamiji cited from ancient Hindu wisdom about vak tapas and dhama kshama practice. Vaak me madhumathama or there should be honey in our words.
In Sanskrit language, the subject is the first person, second person is the other person and antima purusha is oneself meaning the topic of discussion is foremost in any conversation. Half our problems could be solved by asking primary question – Is the subject worth talking? He scoffed at the idea of using inaccurate language like ‘That is a fantastic dress’. What would one have to say when one really visits a fantastic place?. He advised one to measure one’s words appropriate to the occasion.
What I perceive to be true is ‘Ritm vadishyami’ . What is really true is ‘Satyam Vadishyami’. This is a significant difference between our tradition and other, Swamiji said. In conclusion, Swamiji said that our words don’t hurt others and this is a greater personal challenge.
Earlier, in his welcome speech, Shri S Venkatesh, a reputed CA of Dubai and President of ICAI, Dubai Chapter and one of the organizers of Swamiji’s lectures, enumerated the yeoman service being rendered by Swamiji in the cause of health and education of children through AIM for Seva organization touching the lives of millions of people in remote villages all over India. Shri Venkatesh expressed his gratitude to the visionary Rules of UAE which enabled hosting of this speech for the 6th year in a row.
*****