Of late I have started telling people in my conversations “it is not your problem but actually it is my problem”. Even yesterday during a google chat my close friend Sam said something and I immediately replied “adigaprasangithanam”. He did not like that and immediately said “what is the bloody adigaprasangithanam in this”. I could see his anger and frustration. I immediately ended the chat conversation by saying “I apologise, I am sorry”. When I sat back and thought about the chat conversation I realized that what he did was right in his own way and opinion. It was not his problem but it was my problem because I felt he has over-stepped and also commented on it. Even if I had felt that he has over-stepped I could have kept quite.
I remember almost 20 years ago we were all sitting in Mylapore Club and Sam told my then “Godfather” “Sir, Anand is really good in problem solving and I think he should write a book on “How to solve problems”. My Ex-Godfather immediately said “You are very correct Murthy, but I feel most of the problems that Anand is facing are created by him and may be he should firstwrite a book “How to create problems” and then write “How to solve problems”. Everybody had a good laugh except me. These comments really got etched in my brain.
While I was excited with the idea of writing two different books I thought I had a long way to go before I could even try and attempt a small article on the subject.
Last 20 years I have been facing problems – at work, at home, with friends, in traffic, etc., and on many occasions I have been successful in finding the right solution because I ask the question to myself “is this my problem and am I responsible for creating the problem”.
I have still not learned enough in life to be in a position to write those two books. I thought I should atleast attempt at an article covering – What is a Problem? Whose problem is it? Why are we trying to solve it? How to solve it? How to ensure that it does not recur again?
What is a Problem? It refers to a situation, condition, or issue that is yet unresolved. In a broad sense, a problem exists when an individual becomes aware of a significant difference between what actually is and what is desired. In other words, problem is a gap between an actual and desired situation. If the desire or expectation is set by us then it is squarely our problem and not that ofthe other person(s).
Whose problem is it? I sent an SMS and expected a reply for the same. I did not get any reply and later in the day when I spoke to that person I asked “did you see my SMS this morning”. The answer was “Yes but sorry I could not reply as I was busy with so many other issues”. I quickly said “don’t feel sorry. It is not your problem. It is my problem because I expected a reply and did not inform you that I will be waiting for a reply”.
On many occasions we would find that the Problem is ours and not that of the other person with whom we are dealing. If the problem is ours then we should only solve it. The easiest way to solve problems is to analyse and see what is the desire or expectation. In my experience I have found that on most issues if we lower our expectation then we will have a good problem to deal with. If our desire or expectation is higher we have a difficult problem to deal with.
Why are we trying to solve it? There is a burning desire in every one of us to achieve what we have aspired for. There is a constant quest for something new or something better or something more. This leads to the desire and the expectation. An ant has been living the same way for the last 2000 years but an aunt or any human being for that matter has not been living the same way for even 20 years. As human beings we keep growing desires and expectations. The growing desire will always leave us with a gap in the actual situation as against what we desire or expect. This brings us to the need for finding a solution to the problem.
How to solve a problem? The easiest way to solve a problem is to understand the gap between the actual situation and the desired situation. Analyse how this gap can be addressed and whether there is an immediate fix or not. We could also look at a correction on the desired situation so that the gap is reduced significantly. In my experience I have found that if we put ourselves “in the shoes of the other person” half the battle is won. There are several ways of solving a problem and given the situation we should try and find the best possible solution which is a “Win Win” for both the parties.
Last year I had an urgent need for money and I decided to close my Recurring Deposit Account with the Bank. I walked up to the Officer concerned in Indian Overseas Bank and said “I want to close my R.D. Account”. He asked me “Sir how much money you need”. I got terribly irritated at this question (though I did not show my irritation). He continued “You have R.D. for 18 months and you have already paid monthly instalments for 12 months. If you need some money for urgent needs why don’t you take a loan against the R.D.” I kicked myself and said why did I not think about it this way.
Sometimes it makes sense to look at the problem as our own and then try to find a solution.
How to ensure that it does not recur again? I have heard people say “human memory is very short lived”. I do not agree with this as I feel Human Memory is phenomenal and on many occasions the memory fails due to our own “selective amnesia”. Whenever we find a solution to a problem it is better to review the situation and register the same in our mind. This will help us to avoid such problems in future and thus prevent it from recurring. Having said that I have faced problems which have repeated and on analysis found that it was my own carelessness or forgetfulness which has led to the problem recurring for the second time.
Life is a long journey and with the present technology it is not very difficult to keep track of the problems and the solutions. I am thinking of recording the various problems that I have faced and the solutions that I have found. It will be interesting to also review those solutions now to see if there could be any improvement or improvisation.
Hindsight is always 20:20
T.P.Anand, Dubai, U.A.E
11th February 2010
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